The beginning

There are aspects of my life that are truly stranger than fiction. Keep tuning in and you will see. The experiences that I have had over the years are quite interesting and many others out there can relate in one way or another. Those who know the many aspects of my life have encouraged me to write a book. I once read an article in "Entertainment Weekly" that listed memoirs, biographies and personal stories. I thought for sure there was already a book out there that would cover the same topics. To my surprise, there weren't any. Yes, there were books out there about surviving suicide, emotional abuse, adoption journey's, divorce and so on, but none of them rolled into one. At that point, I found hope. The formation of the book, my story, is not clear at this point so I've decided to get bits and pieces out there and see how it all shakes out. So here it goes....

In the beginning, there is birth. I cannot tell you the exact date of my birth, where I was born, the circumstances around my conception or who my bioligical parents are. These unknown elements surrounding the beginning of my life will continue to come up throughout my blogs. Think about what you've been told about the first year of your life or better yet, the life of your own child...the first moment the hospital staff places the newborn in your arms, the pictures, the visitors, first words, first haircut. Calling friends and family and sharing the birth weight, height, head circumference and delivery details. Sometimes I ask myself...Did my birth parents do that or was I secret, a child born out of shame? Did my relatives know about my existence? Was I loved for a while and the situation dictated that I was abandoned somewhere hoping that someone would find me and take me in? So many questions. Questions that I will probably never have the answers too. Although I have searched South Korea on three occassions and accepted the fact that I will probably never have the answers, they still remain and always will. If you haven't already figured it out, I am a Korean orphan who was adopted into a family in the United States, raised in Minnesota. I am a Korean adoptee, Korean American, mother, daughter, sister, divorcee, lover, survivor of suicide, survivor of emotional abuse, mentor, employee, public speaker, motivator, mediator, paralegal.....but most of all, I am me.

I traveled a bumpy road to find the person I am today. That road had hills, pot holes, smooth curves, sharp corners, gravel, pavement, oil spills and now I found the road endless; a road that will take me anywhere I want to go. I can choose the destination, it will not longer be chosen for me. I can choose to avoid the curves, the hills, the sharp corners. I understand that there will be uavoidable ruts (this is MN), but I have a better vehicle to handle the rough roads and I have a co-pilot who shovels the snow when the drifts are too high.

My life travels include:

Growing up on a hobby farm with a purple barn, in a small, white community. I have three older siblings, all biological children of my adoptive parents.

Living with a mother who was mentally ill, emotionally abusive and eventually choose to take her own life. I was 9.

Moving to a new school, new mother (mother #3...bio, adoptive, step) and getting through high school as a geek and a minority in a little bigger white community.

Marriage at a young age and 4 fabulous kids...Living the "American Dream"

Self discovery, Adventures in Korea; Birth searching x 3. In a group, all alone, with Korean contacts and the Korean media circus too.

Embracing the Adopted Korean community and trying to find balance between being Korean and having a caucasian husband. The caucasian part doesn't really matter, it's the willingness to take the journey together.

Divorce and moving on.

The impact that being an orphan, childhood abuse and race had on my self perception.

Finding happiness and balance in all aspects of life.

I have so much to say and once I get started it's hard to stop, yet I still need to figure out where all this is going. The beginning is a great place to start. This blog is not all about adoption, or divorce, or abuse, or any one subject. The blog is here to open your mind to the world around you. There are times in my divorce when I wanted to run away from the small town because of the situation. Most of the time, I did. I finally realized that I was/am the happiest when I didn't give a crap about what others thought because man, "If they had to walk a mile in my shoes they may see things differently." Or, "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors." I also thought about perception vs. reality. Their perception ,based on what the local gossip was, and the reality of what really happened. I like to look at perception vs. reality on many levels. In the end, it comes down to being comfortable with who I am and telling everyone else to eff off! YAHOO! It's easy to say that right now, check me out tomorrow and see if I feel the same way
:-p