Lately I have been running into other adoptees who have been abused. I received a call from a friend last night who told me that his abuser had died. I hadn't spoken with this individual for a while so I was surprised to hear from him. I was also surprised at how happy he sounded. In the past he had seemed very angry, bitter, sad...and all with good cause. But when I recognized his voice, there was a certain intensity that was missing. Have you ever heard that when you smile your voice projects differently. He sounded like he had a huge smile on his face, like he had been set free from the emotional chains that had previously contained him. It's as if he was handed a new life. SO COOL! I know it might sound bitchy that I am happy is a-mom had died, but no one deserves to be treated like he was. There are two sides to every story, I have no idea what his a-mom was like. It is all in one's perception. My dislike for was not because she was an adoptive parent but because she was an abuser.
I have run into a lot of people who have been physically, emotionally, mentally abuse during their childhood. I am struggling with the question, "Where was everyone else? " Why was this innocent child left to fend for themselves? I look back at my childhood and wonder why no one protected me. My abuse was not visible to the human eye, or so I think. I guess I do remember speaking with someone who knew me then and they said "Don't you remember that you spent a lot of time at our house because your mother was not nice to you?" I don't remember, but I guess they were trying to look out for me. What about individuals who go to school with bruises that are visible to the eye? Why doesn't anyone step in?
I've been watching "Good Will Hunting" and all I can think about is the chapter entitled "It's not your fault" where RW (Robin Williams) stands there with Will and continues to repeat "It's not your fault" At first Will is like..."Yeah, I know" and RW keeps saying it until Will finally breaks down crying and lets it all out. RW hugs him as they cry together, that's healing at it's best. I cry every time I see it because all I ever needed was somene to tell me that it was not my fault. I don't remember anyone every telling me that. I had to figure it out for myself and it took years. For all of my friends out there, those things that have happened to you, especially as a child, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's NOT your fault. I don't know why this kind of crap happens, but in many cases it is a cycle that needs to be broken, often times the abuser was abused themselves. Where did it all begin? It doesn't matter, what matters is that the cycle gets broken. Be strong and break the cycle. Most of my friends have done this, I think that you can let it consume you and then you become the abuser, or you overcome it and raise beautifully healthy children or seek out others that you can comfort and help.
Oh, and previously I had posted something about how people who commit suicide are selfish, but you know what, I've had some thoughts that have changed my opinion. I've exerienced that helplessness and pain that causes so many to take their own lives, although I usually pull myself out of it, but for some living with the pain is so intense and they truly cannot see the light ahead of them. I don't know that constant pain and hurt, so maybe for them, there is no way out. I still have a hard time with what happens to those left behind but I often tell people that we have to do with what's best for us and look out for ourselves. Maybe that's what happens when someone takes their own life, they are finally looking our for themselves since no one else will. What a complicated world it can be.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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